Lost in mystery (Ch.2)

Iris thought of being a sibling as an easy task. Later she figured, it was the opposite. Her parents' attention was fully concentrated on Bernard. At first, the situation made Iris enjoy her freedom, but after some time, she - being an eight-year-old child, started to starve for her parents' attention. Iris yet did not have an idea about love and her excuse for being jealous of her brother's position was her true love towards him. Yes, she did love him, a chubby little child was fun to be around, he seemed to be a good companion until he started to pronounce his first words and make his first steps. Iris did her best and tried to be a good sister. The problem was, indeed her mother, who kept treating them differently and spoiling Bernard. Iris could hardly contain herself when remembered a sad incident involving her and her mother. It happened during one of the Christmas breaks. She was ten back then, her childhood friend-Christina, invited Iris to her house. It did not seem to her, that letting her mother know would make a difference. It is important to add that Christina's brother had chicken pox, but, since Iris already got sick with it and so did Bernard, she thought of it as fine. After an hour of playing at Christina's house, Iris got a call, it was her mother. Indeed, she was not happy to hear where Iris was, she was disturbed because of the flu. Iris immediately ran home, after hearing her mother yell through the phone. What happened when she got home, cut deep through Iris' heart. She got bitten by her mother, in front of  Bernard. Got kicked out of the house and was sent to her grandmother's , who was living not far from theirs. It was the moment when Iris realized that it was not going to be easy but get harder. She knew it was not facile for her mother, but still could not forgive her violence. She kept remembering her eyes that were full of anger and disgust. Was Iris guilty for what she did? Her grandparents took her in and after a day she got a call and was told to go back home. Her mother probably regretted what she did, thought Iris. She knocked on the door with a smile, but her entire body was shaking, she was still afraid to be bitten again. That was the remarkable event that made Iris hate her current situation and made her question, whether it would affect her and Bernard's relationship or not. It was shameful for her to look into Bernard's eyes, what did he think about her? That day they ended up watching "Scooby Doo". They were happy and that's what mattered. After the break her mother started pressuring her to do good at school, she always was a student with honors. But the insecurity of not being a good daughter, affected her and did not let focus on her classes. She always tried to please her parents, by cleaning the house or making coffee for them, she wanted to be appreciated.

End of chapter 2

Lost in Mystery(ch. 1)

Iris kept looking through her books, to find the roses that she put between the pages. She found the beauty of dried flowers more fascinating than the fresh ones'. She kept looking for hours since she had forgotten which book was the lucky owner the beauty. Each flower that was being searched had a memory for her adventurous mind.After so many efforts a rose lying on the floor caught Iris's magnetic eye. She didn't seem surprised  but anger flashed in her eyes. It was surely Bernard's work; her younger brother's, who kept messing with her things, in a search for treasures. She tried to put herself together and took her way to Bernard's room. She knocked on the door but Bernard remained silent, so she opened the door without a permission and caught Bernard's eyes staring at her  filled with irony. Iris's facial expression was like a solved puzzle for Bernard, it was clear what she came for, so he rolled his eyes and continued his doodling on a piece of paper. He did not do that on purpose, he just instantly tried to avoid the frightening eye contact with his sister, who was lost in anger.
After several attempts of trying to hunt words from out of his mouth, Iris left the room almost in tears. The worse thing that she could ever think of was ignorance. She stopped for a second and suddenly the ten years of Bernard's existence flashed in front of her eyes. The first flashback took her to the night when Bernard was to be born. She remembered how her happiness had no borders and how she kept praying for the infant and her dear mother. She started questioning herself. Was she happy, or just excited for the new member of the family?

End of chapter 1

Marie Sevs

Fire and Water on their way from love to hate.

They kept jumping from love to hate. Just like two opposite magnets or why not water and fire they had a connection that could've been worse than affection. Fire kept trying to comfort the Water, to give her hope that it might work(the true friendship that they desired).Every time Fire would try to cheer Water ,would get into a depression. She always made him feel weak and worthless. Not that Water was doing it on purpose, but it was her nature. When away from each other, they went with their flow. They- masterpieces of nature were both of same roots but their purposes were different.
The story behind the true friendship that kept hurting the two parties started way earlier than one can imagine. Fire was a person of strong morals and high self esteem. All he wanted to hear were compliments that could feed and satisfy his ego. At least that is what it looked like. He was handsome, different, caught everybody's eye with his unique nature. His confidence was the key to his success. He traveled wherever his heart felt like, or where his handsome presence was needed.  Water was selfless  and comforting. She was a beauty by her existence. She had a high self esteem just like Fire but was way more reserved than him. When they first met, the passion of getting to know each other grew in their eyes. At first it was just a glance. None of them had an idea of what the glance was going to lead to. The first meeting left them full of curiosity.
Water being addicted to mystery kept remembering Fire's eyes that were full of joy and mystery themselves. Mother nature kept bringing them together in different occasions, which at first satisfied Water and Fire, they kept talking and finding similarities. Fire was used to the attention but Water's deep eyes made him feel something quite different, her smile was naive but smart at the same time. That was the smile that made  Fire decide to give it a try.
The time flew faster than they had in mind. At first they were nice to each other, but it took a single move from Fire to show off Water's sarcastic yet loving nature. They hurt each other with fancy metaphors and deep thoughts, they were intelligent enough to act that way. At first they enjoyed the debates and the fact that they always had different opinions about everything but at some point their patience was gone. They thought it was too much love but they were one step away from  hate. For Fire it was normal, he didn't care as much as Water did. Perhaps, he felt cautious deep inside. He would keep repeating the same sarcastic phrases that became to appear to Water as offensive jokes. Water's calm nature changed and appeared to Fire like a  rebellious tsunami. The competition went too far and that's when both of their Egos took over the situation and ruined the entire friendship that was built on pure affection.
Water as always decided to back off and change her direction-away from the trouble that Fire was himself. She was tired of the love-hate game that almost always ended in Fire's benefit (only grew his confidence). She left his path with no trace of her selflessness ,but the memory of her beautiful personality. Fire didn't feel alone, he was surrounded by the ones who were amazed by his existence.Water kept all full of joy just like Fire, the only difference that remained the same was her selflessness.
Sometimes love leads us to hate or backwards. Perhaps, it shall not push us back from trying.

Marie Sevs

The Monopoly of Life

We are born as already married to ourselves. We bear with our ego. Throughout our lives we try to love ourselves for who we are. While "me" is a subject of a change during our lives for more than thousand times. If we compare the point (marriage to one’s self) and marriage between two it appears a marriage of four ,if we count our egos as well. The battle between us and our ego lasts as long as we live. Does this mean that we are never independent enough? It’s easy to assume that accepting someone is hard since accepting yourself is much harder. One may easily go against my point and say the opposite,that coping with one’s self is the easiest thing. Anyways,I am certain that the one who says that battles with himself/herself behind the walls of their shelter. We all doubt time to time about whether we are good enough, are we taking the right path or are we loved enough?  Our relationships and thoughts lead us to a constant monopoly. We produce our thoughts and sell them or more gently said exchange them with the help of our ability to communicate. We steal each other’s thoughts- ideas (cheating just like in the game). We end up in prison of our depression and expect others help us to get out of that state (by paying the fine) which actually is by comforting us and saying that we are good enough. Why do we always need someone to tell us that we are good enough? In my opinion it’s just the case that our ego needs to be fed by the compliments of others in order to let us live peacefully. We value the exchange of the information (the gossip) . It is one way to feed our curiosity (as we are curios during the monopoly about how much money does our partner in the game still have). It is not a secret that life is a game and it is up to us to win or to lose it. The game lasts as long as one lives and the cycle keeps repeating itself as long as we keep playing the same way. The strategy and the approach that we take towards our game (our life) is the key to the progress.

Marie Sevs (Mari Sevoyan)

Certainty...

Can we ever be sure about something or is there always doubt,I wonder. When we look back at our actions doesn't it make us wonder why did we choose to solve the problem certain way? How do certain incidents in our lives follow each other and make a circle? And that circle usually seems to be a labyrinth. Does that mean that we exaggerate small things and life is much more easier then it seems?It seems as if there is always 1% doubt in our certainty.So if there is doubt how can there be  certainty. Let's take a simple example of going to a grocery store with a specific list of products. We walk down the aisle and suddenly chocolate catches our eye and BOOM, we forget about the list and go to grab the chocolate. Of course this is a general example it doesn't have to be a chocolate bar,the point is changing our mind. We will grab the objects of the list later on of course but later on i promise you will tell yourself "Did i need that chocolate,why did i waste a dollar or two on that?".So many times we are sure of our feelings towards some people,but when we see them we act quite differently So is the doubt the enemy for some great outcomes? When we act differently it seems like we are defending ourselves with doubt's "safe" support. Just imagine you're in a group of people and you all are discussing a topic that concerns each one of you. You are about to share your opinion and then someone brings up an argument that makes you doubt about it. If you were that certain of what you wanted to say,why did you change your mind? 

Our actions depend on our decisions.So is the doubt part of our past,present and future? Can doubt be beneficial or is it our enemy?
The doubt may make you shut your mouth for the second you wanted to talk and later on lead you to a conclusion that it was in your benefit to keep silence.

Marie Sevs(Mari Sevoyan)

The power of memory...

We memorize by moves,smells,places,words... It feels so real while it's in the past.
The memory seems to be our friend who visits us time to time.It can be pretty overwhelming and uncomfortable to open the door for your guest. That kind of situation is easy to compare with a visit of a relative ,who usually comes on family holidays with a huge hope to surprise you but is not ready for your none-surprised facial expression.
 Of course the memories belong to different groups.This time I would like to talk not only about the "unexpected guest" but also about different types of memories and the outcome of their visits.
Lets start with the positive memories that warm our heart every time they visit us. This memories may come from childhood and from  my personal experience they come as a smell.It may be a smell of a flower,of a perfume , of some sort of food etc.. This memories usually make you want to chase them.Probably it is their only disadvantage. At that moments I wish I was a time traveler.
The other type of memories are the ones that come right before overthinking. Supposedly they visit us after we think that we have done something wrong or try to reconstruct the story in our mind.They are usually a cause of anxiety...
Now about the positive and courageous memories. I usually compare this memories with day dreaming. These are the ones that easily distract you from whatever you're doing(studying,talking to a friend.listening to music. etc.). They are one of those unexpected visitors too, the difference is that they are always welcome.
 Memories from any group visit us easily with the support of  their special bonds with our dreams. We think we can escape from them, but they always find a way, doesn't  matter consciously or subconsciously.
It really doesn't matter to which group your memories belong to, they belong to the group of teachers in our lives and each memory is a chance for a bigger success.
Each memory is a chance...

By Marie Sevs(Mari Sevoyan)

The three faces of tme...

Time, what is time?

It is a progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a complete.

We think that it's unlimited, yet every second goes to the past and we keep doing the same "thing”. We don't value the time as much as needed. Indeed, we blame ourselves for the waste.

We repeat the same mistake without realizing how we lose our chance.

In my subjective opinion the time is equal to the chance; more time twice as many chances. The opportunity is equal to the chance, so the cycle goes.

We open the box of our past and realize how much "stuff" could've been done.

Yet the time is the best teacher. Yes, you may stumble and fall several times by hitting the same rock. There will be a time maybe the second, twentieth, that you will jump over the rock or just lift it up and put it away. Time is the best teacher and probably the most serious one, you don't pass the test -you fall hard, but as long as you're alive the chances that you will pass it are high. The most damaging failures for humans are the misunderstandings with others. Yet time is one of the main components of human relations. Time is a relationship itself.

What if we face The Time from a different perspective and look at It  as a family of three brothers\sisters (The Past, The Present and The Future) .Whether consciously or unconsciously we try to become friends with all three of them. The struggle is hard, yet impossible, since they are all different and each of them has their unique personality.

• The Past is the tough one who is the oldest among the siblings,so she is the wisest. When she gets angry with The Present, reminds him of the mistakes he made and haunts him with that memory.
• The Present is the younger sibling, yet the three of them usually change the roles since The Time goes on and they are directly moving through the cycle. The Present always tries to get the best out of everything, yet sometimes makes mistakes to the advantage of The Past.
• The Future may be considered as the youngest sibling. She has the highest hopes and dreams for life. She depends so much on The Past and The Present and values their moves; her actions directly depend on her siblings' decisions.

The Time will always be a family with deep roots. Can we be friends with three of them at the same time or it's impossible? Each one of us is The Time and we keep the family of our actions in our mind and apparently in our heart as well. The heart probably gets affected the most since whatever is not in the power of mind is a weight on the heart's shoulders. 

Marie Sevs (Mari Sevoyan)